A Beautiful Story ~Read to the end!!

I found this story from a lady online. It made me cry and I just had to share it with you. Whether or not you are watching the Superbowl tomorrow, you should get in the spirit by reading the following:


In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy, was busily working when a new voice
came over the loud speaker asking for a carry out at register 4. Kurtis was
almost finished, and wanted to get some fresh air, and decided to answer the
call. As he approached the check-out stand a distant smile caught his eye,
the new check-out girl was beautiful. She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was only 22) and he fell in love.

Later that day, after his shift was over, he waited by the punch clock to find out her name. She came into the break room, smiled softly at him, took her card and punched out, then left. He looked at her card, BRENDA. He walked out only to see her start walking up the road. Next day, he waited outside as she left
the supermarket, and offered her a ride home. He looked harmless enough, and she accepted. When he dropped her off, he asked if maybe he could see her again, outside of work. She simply said it wasn't possible.

He pressed and she explained she had two children and she couldn't afford a
baby-sitter, so he offered to pay for the baby-sitter. Reluctantly she
accepted his offer for a date for the following Saturday. That Saturday night he
arrived at her door only to have her tell him that she was unable to go with him. The baby-sitter had called and canceled. To which Kurtis simply said, "Well, let's take the kids with us."

She tried to explain that taking the children was not an option, but again
not taking no for an answer, he pressed. Finally Brenda, brought him inside to
meet her children. She had an older daughter who was just as cute as a bug,
Kurtis thought, then Brenda brought out her son, in a wheelchair. He was born a paraplegic with Down Syndrome.

Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why the kids can't
come with us?" Brenda was amazed. Most men would run away from a woman
with two kids, especially if one had disabilities - just like her first
husband and father of her children had done. Kurtis was not ordinary
- - - he had a different mindset.

That evening Kurtis and Brenda loaded up the kids, went to dinner and the
movies. When her son needed anything Kurtis would take care of him. When he
needed to use the restroom, he picked him up out of his wheelchair, took him
and brought him back. The kids loved Kurtis. At the end of the evening, Brenda
knew this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life
with.

A year later, they were married and Kurtis adopted both of her children.
Since then they have added two more kids.

So what happened to Kurtis the stock boy and Brenda the check-out girl?
Well, Mr. & Mrs. Kurt Warner now live in Arizona , where he is currently employed as the quarterback of the National Football League Arizona Cardinals and has his Cardinals in the hunt for a Super Bowl win. Is this a surprise ending or could you have guessed that he was not an ordinary person.

It should be noted that he also quarter backed the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI.

He has also been the NLF's Most Valuable Player twice and the Super Bowl's
Most Valuable Player.





AND THE REST OF THE STORY:



Today at church our minister mentioned that when Kurt, his wife and 7
children go out to eat he has one of his children pick out a family
eating at the restaurant. Kurt then tells the wait staff he is
picking up the tab for that family's dinner anonimously. He remembers the
days he was working nights in the grocery store and feeding his family
on food stamps.


**It makes it kind of hard to not Root For the AZ CARDINALS doesn't It??
How many quarterbacks are that special and have that much heart?

GO CARDINALS GO CARDINALS GO CARDINALS GO CARDINALS GO CARDINALS GO CARDINALS

Perspective ~Balance and Imbalance

I'm a bad blogger lately. I've been really busy and it doesn't involve work really, I've been busy being present in the moment.

Sometimes for me the internet is a big escape from real life. I'm sure I've talked about that before. Getting caught up in all the socializing, reading and commenting can take me away from what's really important. I have been spending a lot of time with Tee, engaging in conversation and enjoying the time together.

I think all the problems we have had have been a culmination of many things. My escaping has not helped.

I learned to escape when I was a child in an alcoholic environment. I started reading and writing as a form of escape and it is as natural to me as breathing. I go into my own world and nobody else exists. In fact my sister refers to me as the bookworm and always did when we were kids. She remembers me in the corner with my nose in a book. That was me. That is still me.

I also did this with work. It was my escape from the problems in my relationship(s).

I don't have a job right now so the computer suffices. I will spend as many as 10 hours online with breaks for cooking and cleaning the kitchen and hygiene. Before I get on the computer I will do my daily workouts of course. Once in awhile I'll glance up at the television but not too often while I am on my laptop.

I think this is a problem for me. I go to my meetings twice a week and of course I'll go grocery shopping and do any errands that need to be done but that amounts to a handful of hours during the week.

As with anything I need to "use" in moderation. I am trying to cut back my online time and engage in real life activities as one of my goals this year. I have started this week. I'm not perfect and I don't expect to be but I have been able to scale back a lot this week.

Of course I don't know much about balance. I tend to go to extremes. Turning off the computer for days and not even checking my emails! This is not good for me either, there are friendships I need to nurture and relationships that are important to me and my future. I am just trying to find a happy balance.

I don't know what this looks like but I think it will come down to some kind of schedule where I am blogging and reading blogs and commenting for X amount of hours or minutes daily and scheduling the rest of my day accordingly.

So for awhile I will be trying to bring this all into some kind of balance. I can report happily that T. and I are talking a lot more and things are great between us right now. I know we have a lot of making up to do because we have been distant from each other for awhile now. We have some issues that may never go away but we have some good things between us too.

She was very hurt by my constant complaining and writing about her problems. I will not be doing that anymore. My problems are big enough and I don't need to be focusing so much on her mistakes and issues. I never wrote with the intent of hurting her but it did hurt her. She is happy that most of those entries were lost in cyberspace. I'm sad about it but think the universe balances things in our lives in ways we may never understand. I just accept it.

If I never learn from my mistakes I will not become a different person and 2009 will be a year of major growth for me. I live with someone that I love very much. I am in it for the long haul. I am not perfect and neither is she. Life gets the best of us sometimes. But I believe our love will just get stronger the more we stick it out.

I'm just trying to put it into words. All these things that are on my mind. I am searching for balance in all areas of my life. I will still be around. I love reading all of you and keeping in touch. I just have to stay in touch with the people in my life I can really touch physically too.

Love and Blessings to all of you.

From January 2004, 2007, 2008,

Too Early--Too Cold
posted 01/27/04
[ my mood: sleepy ]
It's cold here today! Only 40 degrees right now. I'm actually cold, feels weird. I am so tired today. I'm worried about a few situations in my life. Obsessed I guess. So my sleep has been restless. Glad I work today.

I feel tension between the lover and me. I think we're going to end up in a big fight soon. I don't know why, or what for but I can feel it building. She is very moody. Worse than me. And I am the water sign Cancer too! WTF!

I don't know, it's just something you learn when you've been with someone awhile, to read them. She's been on my ass about a few things lately. And last night I just wanted alone time to read and she pouted about it. When all is well between us she does her own thing too. But she has been kind of standoffish lately too.

I hate fighting. I try to be nice and she just cuts me off. It's coming, I can feel it.



Return...

blank square
From deleted_member on 01/27/04

sometimes a bunch of little things just build and explode in one big fight....i can feel them coming on too. good luck.


____________________________________________________________________________________
My Exciting Friday Night
posted 01/05/07
[ my mood: happy ]
I just had a very productive Friday Night. And to me that feels better than sex at the moment. Well, maybe not that good but after being sick all week it was AWESOME to have some energy. I didn't feel 100% today but then Tee called me at work and I went into my office and closed the door and we sweet talked each other and I swear I felt better. I have missed her soooo much. She is off from tomorrow through Wednesday and all I can say is Yay!! for sexy grown up alone time. I do have to make some time to go to my Alanon district meeting tomorrow and take my daughter some food (she has none) but other than that our weekend is going to be fabulous. I have never appreciated it this much!! Except maybe when the kids were little and went to Grandma's for the weekend.

Anyway, I did laundry! I have to say I have always been pretty controlling of the laundry. I have to have it done just so. It's one of my weird things. I spend a lot of time sorting it just right. When the kids were little they would help. We would have mountains of it and I would really get mad when they would put clean clothes in the dirty laundry. Stuff I KNEW they hadn't worn. My ex girlfriend had two girls and doing laundry for 4 kids and two adults in the snow, trudging up a hill to the tiny laundry facilities of our mobile home park was no mean feat. But I wouldn't let them help. It was my quiet time. I still kind of feel that way. I'm just weird, but something about the smell of laundry in the dryer and in the car on the way home soothes me. And then when I put it all away and every thing in the house is clean at the same time, it makes me feel like my life is in order.

Plus I love washing and drying and taking care of Tee's things too. It makes me smile to think of the sexy times we have had wearing some of our things. And I love to look at my sexy nighties hanging on my satin covered hangers all clean and good smelling. OK, so I'm a LOT weird.

It still amazes me though, that you can have this much laundry in piles


And then when you get it home it is all neat and tidy and a lot smaller


So, now that the laundry is done I have to tell you all that I came home and started cleaning. I got out my windex bottle and my rag and went to town on the bathroom sinks, then dusted the living room and cleaned the mirrors. Then I did the dishes and polished the counters and cleaned the tables. Now I am finally sitting down, I just finished leftovers from two days ago and I've got steak thawing for tomorrow nights feast.

Tomorrow we have the Football Playoffs and My Indy Colts are facing Kansas City and we are going to whoop their asses!!







I washed my jersey and some of the stains did not come out! I am so pissed. I don't know what to use but it sat for a year because I didn't realize it was stained until I put it on this year. So I don't know if it will ever come out.

OK I was pretty long winded but I'm feeling Fantastic!!! It's good to feel alive again. Have a great Weekend Everyone and GO COLTS!!!!!!!!!


Return...

Country-Girl
From Country-Girl on 01/05/07

I am so glad you will get some sweetie time- YAY! Glad you are feeling better too! Wanna come and do my laundry? ;-) Hubby is in charge of the laundry here. He hates that I don't sort the clothes. I always thought it was a Military thing, all the order and such! Not my style! I should have been a hippie! Lol.

Thank you so much for suggesting the photo post! I really loved doing it and it made me feel really good! Your comment made me cry, but not the sad tears, ya know? You are such an awesome friend!!!!!! Thank you again for everything!!

Love ya! Take care and have lots of sexy time for me!!!
gillardia
From gillardia on 01/05/07

I'm glad you're feeling better!

Gill

_____________________________________________________________________________________

What did I do?
posted 01/28/08
[ my mood: angry ]
I just filed my taxes and claimed my son as a dependent. He is 18 and his Dad kicked him out last January when he was only 17.

He really lived with neither of us for very long, but I definitely supported him more than my ex husband. He didn't even pay for health insurance for him.

He is going to be really pissed and I'm glad. This anger has been building for a long time and I want to tell him to fuck off and die really badly. So this is my opportunity.

And I just watched George Bush talking out of his ass tonight on TV so I am double pissed.

So take that Mr Ex husband, you are getting fucked by me in the way I have always wanted and you cannot do anything about it. You threw him out and didn't care. I have paid more for his care and well being in the past two months then you did all last year. You wanna fight, try me. You will lose.

Anyway, I would have owed $1,400 if I hadn't claimed him. I do not want to pay anymore to the feds than I have to. I only owe them $200 now. My ex cannot win. He is a drunk anyway, he may get his ugly white trash wife to try and fight for him but good luck. It won't work.

Anyway, just venting. I'm just pissed about the Presidential address. But I won't go on about that anymore. I'm done. Gonna take a bath and go to bed...

Toodles.

Return...

Westy
From Westy on 01/28/08

good for you!

I just realised I missed a few entries! love the pictures, just wish I had more time to read the whole entries, darn!
greeneyes67
From greeneyes67 on 01/28/08

Thanks Westy... I think I did the right thing.
hellion798
From hellion798 on 01/28/08

I think you did the right thing, too.
*********HUGS********
RythmicBoi
From RythmicBoi on 01/29/08

GOod, you reserve the right to be pissed off at dead beat ex fuck-nut bastard of a husband.

~Bree
Netmale
From Netmale on 01/29/08

Bree took my comment :-)
TheLubeFaerie
From TheLubeFaerie on 01/29/08

It pisses me off just thinking about the fact that my ex will claim our son and he is a deadbeat who pays his support maybe once a month. I cannot even watch the addresses without wanting to be sick, so I don't bother.
chasing3rain
From chasing3rain on 01/29/08

My mom still claims my brother and I, since she pays for our health insurance, car insurance and other stuff when we need her to.

I skipped the President's SOTU.

Tell me how wonderful I am!

Busy Busy

I haven't been able to get around to people's blogs like I usually do. Sorry about that. It's not that I don't think of you guys, I do. We are just busy with life.

We have so much jewelry to sort through and sell. It's a big job. Grandma didn't have junk jewelry. It is all worth something. So we are getting pictures and prices ready.

We have the house full of furniture too. Tee keeps telling me when she sells enough of it I'll be able to move my massive bookcase in here with all my beloved books. You would think that would motivate me to get all this stuff posted for sale but it's a pain in the arse. Sometimes she thinks she should get retail price for things. Not gonna happen. But sometimes my opinion means nothing. Frustrating...

We watched a couple of movies last night. "Away From Her" on Showtime. It was really sad. A woman struggling with alzheimers and her husband of 44 years make the decision for her to be put in a home. He has to let go of her and she is the love of his life. I cannot imagine going through this. We cried as we watched it. It was one of those movies that you really shouldn't watch when you are in emotional PMS. Depressing.

But then we watched "Skinwalkers" which was a werewolf movie and sexy as hell. I loved it. We both were surprised it was as good as it was. There were good werewolves and bad ones. And they were all very attractive. My kind of movie. Kind of like Interview with a Vampire but more low budget. Great and surprising ending. Loved it. No more tears :)

Had a hard time sleeping last night. My legs were aching a lot. The workouts are strengthening my muscles but they hurt at night. Took some ibuprofen and it helped a bit. I am slacking this morning. I am only due for 40 minutes of cardio but I'm just not feeling it today. I may just take the day off and make up for it. Or I may just workout later today and switch it up a bit. I can do that..

Off to the grocery later. We are out of cat food and our spoiled cats are having none of that. They always have dry food but the wet food is their twice a day treat and they are on a tight schedule. They start warning us a half hour before feeding time. You can't ignore them that's for sure.

OK, enough with the rambling. I need to get off this couch. Hope you all have a lovely Thursday. I'm sure I will. I have plenty to keep me busy.

It's almost February. I think it's my favorite month of the year. No death anniversaries. Just LOVE anniversaries :)

Early Morning Today

I woke up at 5:15 am this morning. I don't know why. That's the second time I've done that in a week. I usually try to go back to sleep when I do that but I couldn't. It's no biggie, I will just be working out earlier and then going to me meeting as usual after breakfast.

My workouts are going fantastic. I lost another 1 1/2 pounds! I am only 9 pounds away from my goal now. I think I need to post a picture of me. The weight loss is very noticeable. I can fit into some jeans I couldn't wear for about 2 years. I'm proud of myself. I have been really watching my carbs too. It's hard for me to do because I love bread so much. But I've upped my protein. I'm also watching the sodium and I've noticed that little water weight gain has gone down tremendously.

Tee went for her job interview (she scheduled it online) and they told her they were doing no hiring. Just layoffs. So they will keep her application on file. It's all good, the right job will be put in her path. She is just doing the footwork. It's hard for her not to panic. For some reason I feel completely calm about things. I am usually the one to worry and freak out over money but I just feel like it will all work out.

Emotionally I was always the one who did all the leaning. Lately I feel much more balanced emotionally. I am continuing with my Alanon meetings and with watching my diet I really feel it's helping tremendously. I was always a sugar binge kind of gal. Now that I've pretty much removed white sugar from my diet I am on a much more even keel. Just steady.. No ups and downs. At least not every day anyway.. lol

I am in PMS right now so I ate a few gummy bears last night and a candy cane. I still have them left from Christmas. They tasted really good and I feel fine this morning. Usually I'm groggy after too much sugar. Maybe because I'm not doing it all the time now? Anyway I'm grateful.

Today is my official weigh in day and I was excited to see I went down again. I am working out 6 days a week now. This is only the second week of that, I hope I can continue. I want to get off this last 9 pounds in about 2 months. If it comes off faster I won't complain but I have to maintain this way of life now so it doesn't come back. That's a little scary.

I filed my taxes and I'm not getting as much money as I expected but it's all good. I am grateful to be getting a refund at all. I've owed the IRS for the past 5 years or so. It's wonderful to be getting money from them for a change.

This weekend is the superbowl! I can't wait. We have no big plans but I'm looking for some good recipes. GO CARDINALS!

That's it for now. Hope you all are having a great week so far. I'm off to work out and eat breakfast. I'll try to stop by and read you all later this afternoon...

Rock of Love Bus ~Remember When VH1 Had Music On?

Oh My Gawd! Tee is so hooked on this show, she loves to laugh at it. I am apalled at these women. They look like tranny hookers! Seriously. What the heck is wrong with Bret Michaels anyway? I mean I know he's a washed up old Wanna Be Rock Star 80's glam rocker but Jeebus!

Is he seriously this hard up? I can't even imagine being on a show like this and then having people I know watch it. What is wrong with VH1 anyway? Whatever happened to the music? Now you have to watch VH1 Classic just to see music.

And back to the tranny girls. Actually tranny is not a cool thing to call them. It gives real transvestites, the hot ones a bad name. These girls are skanky with a capital "S".. And stupid! They couldn't talk their way out of a paper bag. I can't get over how poor their grammar is. And how dumb they are. They are all about stroking this guy and you can tell they just want to be on the show for the "fame"..

And what about the people that actually follow these girls? That think they are celebrities or something? I don't get it.

I don't know why Tee is getting into these shows lately but hey, whatever floats your boat. I love her anyway. I just sit and watch and shake my head and wonder what happened to the music. Seriously...

From Breadwinner to Housewife ~A Journey

I have been here for 5 months now. I have had 5 months to clear the cobwebs and become a new person.
This chapter of my life has been interesting so far. I have gone from breadwinner to housewife and it seems I have lost a huge part of my identity in the process.

Unsure of what role it is I am playing, I have been wandering around aimlessly and reinventing myself once again. This journey is not new. I have played many roles in my life. Daughter, Granddaughter, Lover, Wife, Mother, Manager, Sister, Friend. It is an interesting process called living.

I never imagined grief would make me feel so old. I never realized grief strips away a huge part of your soul and leaves such a huge empty hole in you to fill.

I also never knew that in the course of a long term relationship the roles change and become interchangeable. I thought I was sure of who I was when I was in my 20's. Then that was laughable when I turned 30 and it all changed again. Now in my 40's I am becoming a new person for the millionth time. Is this what life is? The ever changing roles of a woman or man? Do you ever get to find out who it is you are? Do you ever get to realize the fullness of yourself and just accept who you are?

I suppose some people are aware of who they are and it never changes for them. I feel fortunate to have had many opportunities to change the person I am. I feel lucky to have this fresh start in my life and the possibilities are
endless for me at this time.

All time is now. Past, Present and Future. It all is making so much sense to me. I have lived a few lives I'm sure. But I am not an old soul yet. I believe I have many more journeys in this life and after this life. I am too new at this. I have always had a wandering soul. A spirit that is searching for fulfillment. I am never
content with myself exactly as I am. It is a burden sometimes, but I can also see it as a blessing if I allow myself that luxury.

Tomorrow Tee has a job interview. I feel pretty confident she will get it. This will leave me with some actual hours to fill each day where I am alone. I have many things to occupy my time. This house is large, the upkeep is not minimal. I have come full circle. I have not been a meal planner for many years. I have not cooked for many years. That is my job now. I am enjoying it.

I find it curious that I have come full circle about 13 years later. I do not have small children to care for any longer but I do have a partner and animals to nurture and love. I do not feel as needed as I once did but there
is a great freedom in that.

Each day is a new page. A blank slate. It is up to me to write the words that are there.
I am doing it.
I am living.
I am grateful.

Insomnia and Binge Eating

I used to have insomnia a few times a week. I would snuggle for awhile with T. waiting for sleep to overtake me and then get up and enjoy the quiet of the night. I would spend some time reading and eating and maybe take a bath, then I would get back into bed and fall asleep. This was a pattern of mine for years.

In 2007 when T. and I lived apart for the first time, I started taking Tylenol PM every night and the insomnia went away. Recently it has come back. I am trying to wean myself from the Tylenol PM and of course the old insomnia was waiting patiently, wanting to show it's ugly face.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I got up and came back into the living room and heard the old voices in my head telling me to eat. I am of course trying to change my eating habits and I've been pretty much in control for over a month now. So the fact that the binge monster showed up at the same time as the insomnia monster really threw me. I tried to talk myself out of it. Searching for something on TV to watch instead. It didn't work.

I ate but not too much. It was the equivalent of a normal meal. I even calculated the calories of my "binge".. What bothers me about it is that I felt so out of control. It was like I saw myself doing it and couldn't stop.

I have always had issues with food. It has been my comforter, my friend, my sleeping pill. I am trying to change my feelings about food and look at it as just nourishment but it's hard to let old habits and feelings die. I realize this has been going on for years and it's not going to change overnight.

I remember being a child and lying awake in my room listening to my Mom rummaging for food and eating uncontrollably. I also heard the purging that went on afterward. My Mom was a bulimic. I imagine it was her control in life. She had so little control over my Father's drinking and needed to control something. I wasn't really aware of what was happening then but in retrospect I can see it clearly now. I believe those things stay with you and make imprints on your psyche. They can influence your choices and they certainly influenced mine.

I have never been a healthy eater. I have always eaten what tastes good and on no kind of schedule. This healthy eating is brand new to me. It's a brand new challenge I am taking on and I'm excited to see where it takes me.

I'm trying new foods and recipes daily. It's a wonderful thing to eat healthy and still enjoy the food I am eating. I have always equated healthy eating with food that tastes lousy or bland. Last night we had brown rice with a new chicken dish I tried. It was delicious. It is something I plan on continuing.

I couldn't sleep last night so I got up and binge ate. It is a pattern and a cycle in me. I acknowledge it and let it go. Today is a new day and my eating is back on track. I worked out and it felt extra good to get rid of some of those calories. One of the extra bonuses is that I indulged my cravings and now they are gone.

I Don't Feel Like Blogging

I had a wonderful day yesterday and today. I lost another 2 pounds since last Wednesday! Stepping up those workouts has done the trick.

I have not felt like blogging for two days now and I'm not sure why that is. I think it's because of the hope and joy I was feeling yesterday and not wanting to come down because of all the criticisms and comments I always read where politics are concerned.

I know everyone is entitled to their opinion and all that. I just didn't feel like reading about it. My choice.

Today I had my Alanon meeting and as always it brought up a tremendous amount of feelings in me. I cried a lot as I seem to do in my meetings and starting talking about my Dad (who passed away 8 months ago) and how his alcoholism affected me. Or more how his death from Pancreatic Cancer (caused by the drinking) affected me. And it was more ugly grief that I needed to feel.

So for two days now I've been crying. For two completely different reasons. Oh, I am still watching CNN as I did until midnight last night. And I'm still crying about politics (but joyful tears).

But I'm also crying about my Dad today and tonight. I just miss him. I never thought I would miss him this much. I didn't have a real relationship with him but he was still my Dad. The choices he made in his life affected me as his daughter. I have some regret but not a lot. I just really wish it could have been different.

And I wish he hadn't chosen to suffer with Cancer and not tell anyone how much pain he was in. I wish he didn't chose to drink up until the last week of his life. I wish he didn't think that we would all judge him and make him stop drinking. I wish he didn't think he was a fuck up because he drank so much..

He wasn't a fuck up . He was and alcoholic but I still loved him. And I miss him so much right now.

So forgive me if I can't write or read everyones posts on their feelings about the Election. I always seem to make conservative friends. I don't know why, I just do. I love you all just the same. It's awesome to read other points of view but right now I can't seem to do it. I want to be happy about the inauguration while simultaneously feel very sad about my Father.

I don't know why.

Beautiful Day ~January 20, 2009

This is a beautiful and historic day.

I don't have the time to put it into words properly. I hope to do a real entry soon. Hope you all have a joyous and beautiful day wherever you are.

We Proved How Great We ARE!!

WE DID IT!!

We won the Championship and we're on our way to the Superbowl!

The Eagles pulled ahead and we still proved we are the champs! We will win in two weeks too. Just watch us!

I LOVE my Cardinals!! This is incredible. We don't have much of our voices left. lol

All I Can Say Is...

Today is the Day! If the Cardinals win they go to the Superbowl! Nobody thought they could get this far. I have always believed. Go Cardinals!

I made a Mexican stew in the crockpot yesterday that turned out amazing. I love that it's fat free and delicious. And I love that we both enjoyed it. There is a lot left to eat throughout the week too. Today I have a Roast in the crockpot cooking all day. Tonight we shall have a feast. Served with mashed potatoes and au jus gravy, broccoli and a salad. It's almost completely healthy! I need my red meat.

I have been on facebook quite a bit. It's pretty cool there, I have found some old high school friends and I've been chatting with my ex. It's interesting. His sister found me too. She posted some pictures from Christmas and of course my kids are in them. I'm glad I got to see them. His family still loves me. It's nice to feel some roots.

No big plans today. The car is in desperate need of a washing. I may do that for my exercise. I am taking the day off from working out. My muscles are sore. I hope you all have a great Sunday. We sure will :)

Headache

I've got a headache this afternoon. I think I may have pulled something in my neck during my morning workout. I worked out really hard again today. 30 minutes of intense cardio and 30 minutes of strength training. I'm on a roll! 3 days in a row now. I plan on doing just cardio tomorrow and resting on Sunday. That's what Sunday's are for right?

I bought some Turkey Breast lunch meat Tuesday. I've never bought turkey before. I usually just eat bologna or peanut butter. It's actually really good. I like it. Not crazy like but just like-like.. I have also switched to whole wheat bread which I have never eaten in my life. I've been eating it for over a month now. Not bad. It is just an acquired taste I suppose. Learning to love it.

In sparkpeople they give you a calorie range to follow. Mine is 1340 to 1690. I try to stay at the low end of the calories but lately I've been falling more at the high range. But I'm still holding steady with my weight so I'm happy. I have increased my exercise so I'm hoping I start losing again soon. If I could drop back to the low end of the calorie range I'm sure it would help but I still have to have a sugar snack each day and I just get hungry a lot!

I have to say I feel better than I ever have now that I have cut my sugar down to almost nothing! I eat brown sugar in my oatmeal and have one sugar snack a day. I do get some sugar in fruit and bread but that's really all. It has made a huge difference.

Now if only I could get rid of my caffeine addiction!! lol At least I like my coffee black.

Pushing Myself

Today I really pushed myself. First of all to just get up and Work out and Second I did two workouts instead of my usual one. I did 40 minutes of Cardio and it felt great! I am so proud of myself. I feel really good to have done that.

I was reading an article on Sparkpeople that said most people don't realize the amount of exercise they really need to lose weight. Counting calories is fine but you have to get in that cardio to really lose. It said the really successful people actually do at least an hour every day!! I wasn't doing that. I haven't been doing that at all.

Now, I don't think it's realistic to set a goal of every day for myself. I am lazy by nature and need a few days off or I'll just feel defeated. So I am starting by lengthening the workouts I do. I have only worked out twice this week. I plan on doing the same tomorrow and Saturday to get in my 4 days. But if I only get in 3 I'll be satisfied too. I'm not in that big of a hurry.

I was at the high end of my calorie intake yesterday but a lot of that was fruit! So that's a big improvement. I am still not getting enough protein though. I don't know how to add anymore to my diet. I'm just not a big protein eater I suppose. Just adding the fruits and veggies is a big deal for me. My body must be freaking out!! lol

I am still eating oatmeal and I also bought some multi grain cheerios. They are really good! The only "diet" food I have in the house is reduced fat peanut butter and light sour cream. The rest is normal food. I'm just reducing my portions and being diligent about counting the calories. It's working! I want to eat this way the rest of my life so I'm not really "dieting." I'm changing my eating habits.

I got in all my water yesterday. I'll have to try the lemon thing SunTiger, I don't do that. And I never drink ice water. I have a filter on my drain and the water is cold already but I don't mind it room temperature either.

As far as the scale goes, I'm trying not to be so obsessive. But I did weigh before and after my workout and I lost 1.5 pounds just by working out! I was sweating bullets :) It's all good.

Hope you are all having a fantastic day so far. Mines great..

Just in case you didn't know, this blog has turned into my diet/nutrition/fitness blog. My more personal day to day blog is at Journalspace.
http://greeneyes67.journalspace.com/

Motivation

What motivates you? I was thinking about this today as I had no motivation to exercise.

I have been pretty religious about it and now that I seem to have broken the plateau I was on for months it's getting harder to get motivated.

I have skinny pictures of me on the fridge that I can see daily. I have fat pictures of me too. But they don't make me move off the couch. Instead I think, oh well I'll just eat less today.

That is actually bad for your body. Your body starts thinking you're starving and then when you eat again it holds on to more calories to compensate for the "starving". So that doesn't work. Eventually I will eat again... I can't starve forever.

So then I logged into Sparkpeople and started reading the community forum on exercising. People share their experience, strength and goals with each other and for some reason it always works for me. I then get motivated to get off the couch and exercise.

I wish I could just turn this into a habit, get up and exercise. But it's not working that way for me. If I don't get enough sleep the night before I use that as an excuse. Oh, I'm just too tired. But I always have more energy after I work out.

It's funny how I forget that real quick.

I had my weigh in today and I am at the same weight I was one week ago. That's good. I didn't gain. I didn't lose, but I didn't gain. My weight fluctuates so much in one week though. It's really hard when you are an obsessive scale watcher like me. I never realized how much your weight can fluctuate in just one day even!!

I did my workout today. Motivated by the people on the forum. Motivated by the fact that I haven't worked out since Saturday. Motivated by the fact that I didn't lose any weight last week. Hopefully the workouts become more of a habit someday. But for now, as long as I get them done at least 3 times a week I am satisfied.

Weight is Holding Steady

No more weight loss this week so far. But I haven't worked out since Saturday.

I was starving last night and kind of "binged" but not too terribly. My binges lately have been light. I used to binge on chips and candy and bad stuff. Last night I started with two pieces of toasted wheat bread with butter. Then I drank water and waited to see if I was satisfied.

Still hungry, I then re-heated some leftover Salsa Chicken from the other night and added a dollop of sour cream and ate it with some corn tortilla chips.

Still hungry, I ate two bite size snickers and a candy cane. Then an apple.

I managed to stay within my calorie range even though I over ate. I just get really hungry at night sometimes. But I drank a lot of water in between and didn't gain any weight. Thank God!

This morning I woke up and ate my oatmeal. That has filled me up. It is now almost 2:30 and I'm not hungry for lunch. I may just eat an orange and wait until dinner. I hate that I am on this late night schedule but it could be worse.

I have a meeting tomorrow at 10 am so I can't stay up as late tonight. I will be up at 7 and working out by 7:30. I have to do my official weigh in tomorrow too. I am so far 1/2 pound up from last Wednesday. That sucks but it could be worse. With me each little progress is a good thing.

Hope you are all having a wonderful day.

I am also at Journalspace
http://greeneyes67.journalspace.com/

I will keep this blog for diet and fitness stuff and my other one will be more personal.

Some Pretty Pictures

T. and I are selling some things on Craigslist and possibly to some shops locally. I thought I'd post some pictures. It was really fun setting the table and getting the pictures of the china and silver. I had fun anyway.. lol

Tee just said "You are such a girl!" cuz I got all excited about the pretty table setting.


This is the Noritake Temptation Pattern China and a few pieces of the Silver. It's Rogers & Son. I am still researching but this picture turned out so pretty!!

This is the whole table set with the Noritake China and Silver. I like the delicate pattern of this china but I like the other better.


And a place setting


And this is the table set with the other china. It's Pope Gosser Futura. Wheatland.. I love this pattern! I wouldn't be too terribly upset if we didn't sell it. I loved this table..



This is a place setting




And a close up.. Gorgeous!


Can't wait to post all of these for sale. And I can't wait to get pictures of all the other cool things we have to sell!

Have a good night all :)

Come find me at Journalspace

http://greeneyes67.journalspace.com/

I Can't Use My Old User Name In Journalspace (Message from the new JS team)

If thats the message you get then there is a big change we are able
to restore (part) your profile
(depending how much info our scripts could get from search engines etc)
Anyway if all goes well our team will put the info online 13th of January,
we’re thinking if there’s any possibility to check if a user is actualy that
user, so any good ideas/suggestions would be appreciated.

Else we think when you sign up as a user where there is any history available
there will be an option to import this.
In that case other members can report in case someone is not honest.

Thanks,

the Journalplace.com team

1 Comment »
feature requests, anybody ? ;)
January 12th, 2009 in Uncategorized by admin

Well thank you all for the positive welcome.

Its clear that the success of the site depends for a big part
on how much YOU like the site.

So… if you have any feature request Send them In!
you can reply or if its a lot of text you can send your
ideas/comment to info@journalspace.com as well.

Thank you for your time as well for the feedback
we received already!

The Journalspace.com team.

4 Comments »
new design templates soon
January 12th, 2009 in Uncategorized by admin

Hello All,

13th of January we will upload at least 10 design templates you can select
for your user page so stay tuned!

Thanks,

Journalspace.com

4 Comments »
Hello, world! How are you?
January 12th, 2009 in Uncategorized by admin

Welcome to Journalspace.com.
Journalspace.com is back again!

End 2008 there was a drama resulting in loss of some data
We felt sorry since journalspace.com was active for so many years and
we think along with a lot of visitors journalspace is an asset to the internet.

11 january 2009 we agreed with the old owner to take over the domains.

Futher below you will find some faq’s if you have any questions send an email
to info@journalspace.com and we will try to respond or (if applicable) add it to
the FAQ.
FAQ:
What will happen in case i submitted earlier?
Coming days we will try to restore other user pages where we will try to
find out a good system to be able in case you have

How are backups arranged ?
Well we all must learn from errors so Raid (disk mirroring on same server)
covers a harddisk crash but no strange loss of data.
NOW each night a backup is made from the server on another location.
This will assure you won’t loose your profile in case any Ufo’s will crash on
it ;)

Further every hour a backup is made from the databases so in case of any major
problem occurs its possible to restore a backup from max an hour old

10 Comments »

Journalspace is back!

Check it out. Lots of us are joining already. It's interesting. Kind of like wordpress and facebook and myspace combined.

There's a homepage!!!! Yay!!!


You can find me here http://greeneyes67.journalspace.com/

But I will also post here at blogspot too. It's easy to navigate this place, plus lots of my peeps are here.. lol

Monday Monday...

Good Morning to You! I am busy working this morning and probably most of the day. We are listing a ton of stuff on Craigslist and it's very time consuming.

I gained weight yesterday. I binged on some cheetos which are filled with salt and of course it showed on the scales today. My actual weigh in day is Wednesday so I am not too concerned. I weigh myself every day. Sometimes twice a day. It keeps me on track but it can get very scary when you go up and down as much as I do.

I didn't work out this morning but I'm hoping to get in a walk this afternoon. My dog keeps me almost running and the roads are extremely hilly around here so by the time I get home my heart rate is through the roof. Lots of uphill climbing. Good for the backside :) My jeans are definitely fitting loose now.. That's a really good thing.

Not much going on. We did research on the computer on the China and Silver that we have to sell. T's Grandma has some money in this China she has! A really beautiful set of Noritake Temptation china. The Creamer is worth like $200 or something!! It's pretty amazing. We are going to contact some of the businesses we found that buy and sell China. Shipping it will be a big pain so we are trying to sell locally first. Wish us luck!

T. has a job interview on the 26th. So that's a relief for her I'm sure. I am still looking but only found one job that looks interesting. It's working from home and that's right up my alley. There aren't many jobs here but I'm sure we will find what we need. We are always taken care of.

I think I'm getting a new cell phone this week. We shall see on that one too. Not in a big rush, nobody ever calls me on that phone anyway. My biggest sources of communication are email and blogging these days :)

Hope you all have a beautiful Monday..

Quiet Sunday Morning

I am enjoying the morning. It's quiet in here. No TV, the only sounds are my own. I like that. It's my time. I read my meditation book and it was on letting go. That's always been a hard one for me. Once I'm friends with someone I have a hard time letting go. Or else I just shut myself off completely. It's always one extreme or the other. I am trying to find a balance.

This picture is of my brother and I back in October. His 38th birthday is today!! It really makes me feel old now that my siblings are approaching 40. I am the oldest so you'd think I'd feel that way already but I haven't. I can't believe my little brother is getting up there with me! I am so proud of him. He teaches English at a high school in Phoenix. He has been sober for two years already!!! What an amazing gift recovery is.

You see all the fat around my middle in that picture? It's gone now. Almost completely. I was about 12 pounds heavier there. I seem to have gained just in my midsection this time around. Some in my arms and face too. Well, I am not sad to see that go. Actually this picture is what made me see how fat I was getting. I looked at it and said "That is not what I look like"!!! My brother goes "UH, yes that is you!" Thanks a lot little brother!! lol

It made me get off my butt and start doing something though. I can't let myself get in the danger zone. There is too much obesity in my family.. I have to start getting healthy now. So that's what I'm doing.

I did work out yesterday and it hurt like hell too! Today I am resting my muscles. I think we'll probably watch football. The Cardinals won last night! Woo Hoo! We kicked their butts 33 to 13. It was an amazing game. Go CARDINALS!!! Superbowl bound for sure :)

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday...

NFL Playoffs!!

Go Cardinals!!!

We are doing so great right now. It's early in the game but we have scored two touchdowns to their one.

Woo Hoo!!! Let's Go Arizona!!

I'm so excited I can't stand it! Too much coffee too.. ha ha!

Saturday Morning!!

Wow, I woke up late today. We stayed up watching movies last night. I wasn't on here much yesterday because I finally got my Sims installed. Now I'm addicted again!! lol

I drank so much water yesterday I thought I would float away. And I cut WAY back on my sodium intake. The result? I dropped 2 and a half pounds! Yay!! Now if I could just stay at this weight for at least a week it would stick. I am only 11 1/2 pounds away from my goal weight. That is exciting news for me. It is definitely showing. In my waistline especially.

Today is the anniversary to Tee's Mom's death. 2 years. I can't believe it went by so fast. I feel great today, T. not so much. But life goes on. We have to keep moving forward. I'm tired of living in the past. It's a new day.

So, I need to get off the computer and do my workout. I am procrastinating by being here. It's so hard to exercise sometimes. I have to force myself but I always feel better afterward. Hope you all have a great Saturday. I'll try to get by and visit you guys today. I didn't make it around much yesterday.

No Sims for me until I make my visits and exercise. That's the plan...

Contact

It's weird how in Facebook they go through your email and ask you if you want to invite all the people on your list to join your facebook. I asked a lot of people and a few said yes to be my friend there.

Including my old sponsor from Alanon that I haven't spoke to in about a year and a half. Oh, I sent her back all the tapes, CD's and books she had loaned me, but I had not made any other contact.

Yesterday I sent her an email apologizing for disappearing. It was humbling but also an act of self loving. I do want people in my life. I can't take this journey all alone. I feel like my isolation is beginning to disappear.

I woke up late this morning so my workout was put on hold. I am eating an orange and drinking water this morning. I have some extra water weight I need to get rid of. I ate way too much sodium yesterday. Blah Blah!!

It's funny how when you retain water you need more water to help you get rid of it. I guess I better get drinkin' then.. lol!

Happy Friday everyone :)

Internet Restored!

My home phone and internet went out yesterday. To say I was lost is an understatement. It's amazing how many things I do online. I track all my calories and exercise online. I look for recipes and make them, all found online. I pay all my bills online. I look anything up I need to look up online. I play games and socialize online.

I went to my Alanon meeting and grocery shopping in the morning. After unloading the groceries and fixing lunch I logged on to my computer..... nothing.....

Yesterday I spent hours trying to install a game on my computer with no luck. I fixed dinner with a recipe from a *gasp* cookbook in the kitchen and called the phone company with my cell phone to report the outage. I calculated all my calories manually which was a big pain in the neck.. Tee and I played Guitar Hero World Tour all evening and then watched a movie.

This morning my cell phone completely broke and I had no contact with the outside world.. Talk about feeling disconnected!!

Now I am back online, checked my email, checked my comments here and added all my food intake from yesterday into sparkpeople. I gotta say I grossly underestimated the amount of calories I took in yesterday!

I can safely say that for me, not having the internet causes me to overeat!! lol

Anyway, I'm back online and feeling much less stressed out.

How is your Thursday??

Getting the Hang of This

My daughter with her new John Lennon poster at Christmas.

Well, I'm getting the hang of this place and I like it! I miss the homepage but I'll deal.

I joined Facebook last night and it's pretty cool too! I love their homepage. Makes me feel like I'm on Journalspace kinda. I have found some of my old friends already from JS and in life. Awesome.

I am resting from my workout right now. Whew! Doing good, lost another half pound yesterday. Hope it wasn't just water weight.

Forest asked about my sister so I thought I'd write about her for a minute. She is recovering well from her surgery but her marriage is another story. It's been rocky since the moment she found out and we have both been talking to each other a lot for support. They took a trip to Vegas for New Years which is also her wedding anniversary. He quit his job and has not made any contact with the woman he cheated with (as far as she knows). She wants to work it out so we are all being supportive but I can't help but be a little angry at him for breaking my little sisters heart.

It's hard for her. It's so much betrayal but she is really being strong. Working on herself. She has lost a ton of weight because of the stress but she knows she needed to anyway. We have been talking about taking a trip to WVA this summer to see my Dad's family. My brother wants to go too. I think it would be really cool.

OK, time to read some blogs and get moving around here. Hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday...

In 2009 I am

I am working on affirmations so I want to say all of this in the present tense. What you tell your conscious mind comes to be so I am already:

Living healthier in 2009. I am working out 5 days a week. Even if it's just a 20 minute walk which really works here since it's an uphill climb coming back home. Gets my heartrate up big time. I am doing strength training 3 days a week. My body is already changing. I look longer and leaner. I am counting calories and drinking more water.

I am setting a goal of a quit date for the smoking. No date yet, just thinking about one. It's happening this year!

I am writing more in 2009. I am setting aside time to write each day. Not just in my blog either lol.

I am spending more time staying in contact with my family, especially my sister. This is a big one. I am making more efforts on the phone which is hard for me and writing letters.

I am clearing out the clutter in the house and selling everything in it that needs to be sold. I am making a conscious effort to do this every day.

I am being frugal in every area of my life. Not hard to do since I don't have much money these days.

I am spending less time online and more time face to face with people. More Alanon meetings and time at the coffee shop. Maybe that's where I'll get some writing and correspondence done.

I am taking more pictures and organizing my online photos. I am scanning old family photos and organizing them chronologically.

Wow, I should never say "I'm bored" again! I have a lot to do.

What are you doing in 2009?

Breakfast

Do you eat breakfast? You know, I was stuck at a weight for a couple of months and couldn't budge past it. I was working out 3 to 4 times a week and nothing was changing.

I started eating breakfast regularly and cutting calories and the weight is coming off now. It's amazing how it's helped!! It kick starts your metabolism for the day. I stay more full throughout the day so I am less likely to binge and it's working!! Sometimes I have to force myself to eat though, I am used to coffee and a cigarette in the morning.

This morning I had oatmeal which I have grown to love for the taste and the nutritional value and it actually gives me energy. I get up and drink water, then I work out. Then I eat my oatmeal. Now I am getting ready to begin my day for real. I spend a couple of hours reading online and creating my meal plan for the day.

Today we are going to start a store on Ebay to start selling jewelry. I hope it's not too complicated. I have never done it before.

Time to move.. Have a great afternoon everyone :)

Sunday

Well, I got my laptop fixed so I've been playing all day online. Now I can play my games and all the bad stuff that keeps me in the twilight zone.. lol

We are finally getting ready to sell stuff around here from Grandma's estate. Starting with the jewelry I believe. We are running out of money and have no choice. But with my computer it will be much easier to set up. So it all starts tomorrow on Ebay to begin with. I'm setting up shop. It should be fun.

Diet is going great, I am only 13 pounds from my goal but I joined SparkPeople to help me stay motivated to get the last pounds off. I just love to eat sooo much it's really hard.

It was really cold here today, didn't get much over 55 degrees. But with the wind chill factor it was lower than that. I hate the cold but it's way better than the heat for sure. My daughter got snow today. Now that she is in the Northern part of AZ she will be freezing her butt off. Her blood thinned so much in Phoenix she was shivering and teeth were chattering like crazy on the phone with me. Made me laugh..

My son's hours were cut at work and he is looking for another job. He's lucky he is in Phoenix, there is a lot more work there. Things look so bleak here. I will be in school after the summer anyway, maybe by the summer semester.

OK, not much else happening. No drama, life is calm and sweet at the moment. Hope you all are doing great. I think I found everyone. I will be able to do facebook now too!! Yay!!

I'll find you if you're there :)

Oh Country Girl!!

I can't comment on your blog. The window does not come up. I have no issues on anyone elses because I fixed my computer. Since I can't PM you here I thought I'd let you know. I miss you!! I have been by there several times. I don't know if it's your layout or what but I have no comment option at all. Dammit!!

Just thought I'd say, I'm sooooo not ignoring you. You're one of my sweetest friends. Anyway... Hope you are having a fabulous night. I am still adding people and finding people. It's been never ending. See ya later alligator :)

Holy Crap I Fixed My Computer!!

Thank you Doug! You inspired me to edit some of my registry settings in Windows. I stumbled upon a website, winhelponline.com

Found my errors, went into my registry and added some scripts, texts, other things having to do with adobe reader and flash player and voila!! Fixed it... I have not been able to pay bills, comment on journals, watch videos on Youtube and it's all fixed. Just like new...

Now I have to catch up on everyone. This could take awhile. Off to get some coffee and read.. I will be updating here now! Yay!!!

Happy New Year

Yes, I have set up a journal here. We'll see if it works on my laptop. That is my only issue. I have added most of my old JS buddies, hopefully this works.

I am still sad but I've been through so much loss, this is pretty minimal really..

Happy New Year everyone :)