Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I Don't Feel Like Blogging

I had a wonderful day yesterday and today. I lost another 2 pounds since last Wednesday! Stepping up those workouts has done the trick.

I have not felt like blogging for two days now and I'm not sure why that is. I think it's because of the hope and joy I was feeling yesterday and not wanting to come down because of all the criticisms and comments I always read where politics are concerned.

I know everyone is entitled to their opinion and all that. I just didn't feel like reading about it. My choice.

Today I had my Alanon meeting and as always it brought up a tremendous amount of feelings in me. I cried a lot as I seem to do in my meetings and starting talking about my Dad (who passed away 8 months ago) and how his alcoholism affected me. Or more how his death from Pancreatic Cancer (caused by the drinking) affected me. And it was more ugly grief that I needed to feel.

So for two days now I've been crying. For two completely different reasons. Oh, I am still watching CNN as I did until midnight last night. And I'm still crying about politics (but joyful tears).

But I'm also crying about my Dad today and tonight. I just miss him. I never thought I would miss him this much. I didn't have a real relationship with him but he was still my Dad. The choices he made in his life affected me as his daughter. I have some regret but not a lot. I just really wish it could have been different.

And I wish he hadn't chosen to suffer with Cancer and not tell anyone how much pain he was in. I wish he didn't chose to drink up until the last week of his life. I wish he didn't think that we would all judge him and make him stop drinking. I wish he didn't think he was a fuck up because he drank so much..

He wasn't a fuck up . He was and alcoholic but I still loved him. And I miss him so much right now.

So forgive me if I can't write or read everyones posts on their feelings about the Election. I always seem to make conservative friends. I don't know why, I just do. I love you all just the same. It's awesome to read other points of view but right now I can't seem to do it. I want to be happy about the inauguration while simultaneously feel very sad about my Father.

I don't know why.

35 comments:

Dorrie said...

there have been amazingly few entries about the elections, or at least I didn't find many.

I'm sorry you're going through all that.. maybe it's a clensing process. {hugs}

Xanadu said...

I haven't seen any references to the inauguration, other than someone saying that he was cute. lol. I didn't vote for him myself, but it has nothing to do with the color of his skin. You need to cry to cleanse your body of the things that are pent up there. Crying is a release, whether they be happy tears, or sad tears. Nobody is upset with you for not blogging. Don't be hard on yourself. Take all the time you need. HUGS!

Lunamor said...

It's such a hard thing, and I feel for you. My favorite uncle died of liver cancer (due to drinking) at the "tender" age of 55. It was really hard to see a man I loved so much, a good man except for his addiction, be taken so soon. Lots of hugs...hope the next few days are better.

Fijufic said...

Crying?

Awwww...Hug.

You are doing fantastic.

no more crying. You are loved. End of story.

Bobby

Doug said...

I am sorry you're down, GE.
*hugs*

becomingkate said...

I'm sorry you're down too. Hope you felt better today!

Fake-brunette lives said...

hug
x

SunTiger said...

When it comes to criticizing our new president, I just stick fingers in both ears and sing: "La la la la. I'm not listening!"

People just need to quit griping and get busy making positive change for the betterment of all.

SunTiger said...

Oops . . . need to elaborate. By "People" I meant those who might try to bring you and other Obama supporters down from a much deserved celebration.

My gawd we need to celebrate and we need to do it long, loud and with all the screaming we can muster (Like the way you rooted for the Cardinals a while back).

Judy said...

((BigHugs))

I have'nt felt like blogging (until now) because of the chemo! It zapped out my mind and my energy and sickened my tummy!

Hope you have a nice weekend and that you feel better asap!

greeneyes67 said...

You guys are so great. Leave it to you to make me smile big again. I think I'll write tomorrow. I am just tired... Love you all though :)

Times Eye said...

i havent put a blog post in 2 weeks...don't know why

Moanerplicity said...

Purge all the emotions you feel you need to, my friend. It's healthy and far better than pretending to be okay when in fact grief and sadness are as much a part of the human condition as joy and laughter. Just know and have faith that This Too Shall Pass.

One.

Lin

Moanerplicity said...

BTW:

When you find some free time, please stop by my page to pick up your AWARD! Yes, you're a winner!

SJ!

One.

L

theredhead said...

{{{hugs}}} I hope you are feeling better.

Anonymous said...

well.. it's like I knew!

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