I had a wonderful day yesterday and today. I lost another 2 pounds since last Wednesday! Stepping up those workouts has done the trick.
I have not felt like blogging for two days now and I'm not sure why that is. I think it's because of the hope and joy I was feeling yesterday and not wanting to come down because of all the criticisms and comments I always read where politics are concerned.
I know everyone is entitled to their opinion and all that. I just didn't feel like reading about it. My choice.
Today I had my Alanon meeting and as always it brought up a tremendous amount of feelings in me. I cried a lot as I seem to do in my meetings and starting talking about my Dad (who passed away 8 months ago) and how his alcoholism affected me. Or more how his death from Pancreatic Cancer (caused by the drinking) affected me. And it was more ugly grief that I needed to feel.
So for two days now I've been crying. For two completely different reasons. Oh, I am still watching CNN as I did until midnight last night. And I'm still crying about politics (but joyful tears).
But I'm also crying about my Dad today and tonight. I just miss him. I never thought I would miss him this much. I didn't have a real relationship with him but he was still my Dad. The choices he made in his life affected me as his daughter. I have some regret but not a lot. I just really wish it could have been different.
And I wish he hadn't chosen to suffer with Cancer and not tell anyone how much pain he was in. I wish he didn't chose to drink up until the last week of his life. I wish he didn't think that we would all judge him and make him stop drinking. I wish he didn't think he was a fuck up because he drank so much..
He wasn't a fuck up . He was and alcoholic but I still loved him. And I miss him so much right now.
So forgive me if I can't write or read everyones posts on their feelings about the Election. I always seem to make conservative friends. I don't know why, I just do. I love you all just the same. It's awesome to read other points of view but right now I can't seem to do it. I want to be happy about the inauguration while simultaneously feel very sad about my Father.
I don't know why.