Monday, December 12, 2011


So many things to be happy about in December.
So many people to remember that have passed on in December.

We had our precious male cat Pan put down last week, he was sick for a long time. Last week he took a turn for the worse and it was so horrifying watching him go downhill. I saw it clearly but Trina could not. It was really hard to convince her that he was ready to go. He was letting us know in a lot of ways. It was awful. We buried him together by the palm tree near the pool, right by Pyra. Now we are down to One bratty little girl kitty that we completely adore and Xena. My Xena who is my shadow that I couldn't imagine letting go of. That's how Trina felt about Pan. We still cry each day for him.

Today would have been my Dad's 78 birthday. I'm thinking of him too and missing him. I can't let myself completely go there because it consumes me. The anniversary of Trina's Grandma's death was last Wednesday. FOUR years! I can't even believe it's been that long. It's insane how fast the time has flown. I miss her too.

The girls are coming up this weekend! That is where my heart is. I am so excited to see them. I miss my daughter terribly and it will be a great weekend. My boss even gave me Saturday off. I can't wait to have them here.

I have a wonderful friend coming for New Years and I can't wait to meet her in person. It's going to be an amazing and wonderful New Years Celebration. We are so incredibly blessed.

The sky was covered with clouds today and it looked like it might snow. Of course it didn't, but it has been raining for awhile. I'm feeling mixed emotions as I sit and write and think of this past year. So many changes, so much to be grateful for, so much... What a year this has been. OH, my son called me last week after Pan died and I haven't talked to him since last February, it was wonderful to talk to him. I miss him too.

I have the next two days off and will be making lots of goodies and spending time getting ready for our Christmas celebration this weekend! I can't wait to get in the kitchen and cook and be domestic :) It's going to be a wonderful Christmas this year. Last year I was a completely different person. I have changed. I am more honest and more real than I have ever been. I feel very proud of myself for many things. I made mistakes and grew from them. I hurt people and let people go and forgave people this year. I guess what happened was I lived my life fully. That's a good thing.