Tuesday, November 29, 2011

November Rain 2 ~2011

I am isolating, hibernating, possibly enjoying my last weeks as a student and part-time employee. I am wondering what it is going to feel like to be back in the working world again. So much of my identity was tied up in my job and money for so long and now it’s about to shift into that once again. I am going to miss the classes. I am excited to have finished my Associates but here I am and I’m not going to be a student for 8 months. What is it going to be like? Why do I have so much sadness and anxiety over this all of a sudden? I was so excited and sure that this was a good thing and now I’m not so sure. I wish I didn’t have these feelings but I do.

I have turned off my phone and am not making any contact with anyone right now. I just don’t want to deal. Today we went back to bed and watched a movie and I slept more, then I did more schoolwork as she went to work and I’m just having all these feelings. I will be done with school, possibly by this time next week. That is just sad. And I never expected to feel this way. It’s winter. We have not put up one tiny Christmas decoration in this house. I don’t have the desire at all. I don’t know, it’s confusing.