Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Sept. 6, 2011

Feelings are welling up in me and I’m not sure where it’s coming from. I woke up because of the thunder and my dog barking at the thunder. I started obsessing over some issues I have with procrastination. It’s anxiety, plain and simple. It’s interesting to me that when I study anxiety I get more anxious. When I took Abnormal Psych I saw a lot of symptoms in myself that I hadn’t seen previously. It makes me wonder about my mind and the way it operates.

I notice my anxiety and try not to give into it but it has a mind of its own. I think I am full of fears that need release. I can pretend they aren’t there but somehow they work their way to the surface no matter what I do. I have a great life and there is nothing wrong but my head works to create something to obsess over. I feel this unease and I’m not sure why except I am stressing over school, work, money and that seems to make me more vulnerable to the sleepless nights/mornings and the obsessions.

So, I’m back in school and it has triggered some emotions. It has made me start thinking and remembering last semester and re-living some of the things that happened that I’d much rather bury. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to feel any of this anymore. It’s not good for me and I am starting to wonder if I need to find a therapist to help me get through this. It’s eating away at my soul and I am starting to feel that old friend isolation again. I know what I need to do; it’s just a matter of making myself do it. I believe I have some dragons to slay.

I feel myself being haunted. I’m sure the rain is adding to this extreme sense of possession. I know I became someone else for awhile and I don’t want to become that person again. Maybe that was my alter ego taking over for a spell. Maybe I need to chop her head and hands off and let her bleed.


Fijufic said...

I get coaching and still go in for checkups. Believe it or not anxiety causes me to procrastinate as well.

Get coaching. You will be glad that you did...


Dorrie said...

just stopping by to let you know I still read you when you post.

I used to have such demons running through my head...luckily they left and hopefully will never return.

becomingkate said...

Therapy is good. I'm thinking of sending Em back this year, she's been acting weird due to anxiety too. Sending lots of love and luck! *hugs*

greeneyes67 said...

Feeling much better this week. I am not sure what's going on but I seem to be adapting. Valerian Root helps too :)