Monday, August 8, 2011


Exhaustion overwhelms me. It takes me awhile to recuperate from working in the extreme desert heat that is Lake Havasu City. I have never worked such physical jobs in my life and all I can say is, it's a damn good thing I was in shape for a good two years before I began. I could not have handled this back then. I'm kicking ass and taking names and proving myself to be just as good as the men that dominate this industry. Cars, automobiles, four wheels and a steering wheel dominate my working life. I love the challenge and have been doing a "phenomenal" job according to my boss who has already given me a raise. Yes, I know I am a hard worker. I don't give up. I keep on trying and rarely fail. That's just me.

But I can't fight the fatigue and dehydration that happens on a weekly basis to my body. I'm so tired for a good two days after my 30 hours of work. I take two hour naps in the day. I lay low and stay inside in the AC or outside in the pool. I wish I had more energy. I hate feeling so exhausted. Not sure what I can do about that and I'm praying it changes when the heat fades into the windy warm winters of Havasu. At least we don't have to deal with rain and snow. Yuck.

School begins in about two weeks. I have anxiety popping up and some strange apprehension. This is my last semester at Community College level. I'm very proud of my accomplishments but I am a little scared of moving forward. I'm excited at the same time. It's really weird, I can't seem to articulate exactly what I'm feeling regarding these changes. I am ready to move forward but don't really want to talk much about it. It's easier to bury myself in work and not think too much.

I started smoking again. Yes, the stress got to me and I started up. I'm smoking a LOT. It's amazing to me that it seems such a part of me again. It's a gross addiction but I'm not quitting until I'm ready and I don't want to be lectured about it. I'm a grown-ass woman and I can make my own choices. I will quit again, just not sure when. I am not ready.

My daughter just landed in New York. I am so happy that we are talking on a regular basis again. I can't wait to go to Phoenix to visit her and her partner, I miss them terribly. I have been talking with my sister too, we had a family crisis a few days back and it seems to have made us a united front once again. My siblings are really the only family I have and life is too short to just ignore each other and lose touch. I am trying to make an effort in any way I can once again with her. I do love and treasure my siblings. The crisis we had was over my youngest, alcoholic/addict brother. I don't know what will become of him but I will be calling him soon too. I wanted to give him a cooling off period before I attempted to reach out to him. We'll see what happens with that.

Life is beautiful on the home and love front. I am getting more love, attention and affection than I could ever need and it's beautiful. I am grateful that my life is so full today and that I'm not so isolated like I was earlier in the year. I don't spend nearly as much time on the computer as I used to and I'm glad. I was becoming much more reclusive than I ever wanted to be and it's not healthy for me to be out of touch with actual flesh and blood humans. I need that contact in my life to feel alive and well. It's too much time for me to be in my head otherwise.


Dorrie said...

you are under too much stress for stopping smoking. Luckily I never started, or even tried, but my BF chain smokes and I wouldn't dare "force" him to stop right now (though yes, I do hint since I worry about his health). I have to really WANT to quit for it to happen.

Some times I come home from work and want nothing more to do but lay down and nap. Be careful of "burn-out"!

Take care! {hugs}

Fijufic said...

You are a hard worker who likes to do well...

I get more exhausted than I once did. Surfing trips take their biggest toll on me and it is very rare you will see me surf two days in a row.

Running/lifting and biking are the only way for me to keep my wind much less improve anything....

Hang in there.

I won't lecture you about smoking; just know I'm rooting for you when you decide to quit.


Nitrous said...

Girl you need to kick that habit, my Mom is finding out the hard way what smoking does to you...and get some rest, remember hydrate hydrate hydrate! I do half and half, water and Gatorade

BIG (((HUGS))) Fall is around the corner and so is cooler weather

becomingkate said...

Just stopping by! *hugs*