I had to swallow some hard truths about myself last week. It's kind of knocked me down. But I am not the type to stay down for long.
I thought I should update since I've been neglecting my blog and friends here for more than a few days. I am starting to feel more like myself again.
Today I got up and did my strength training and Tae Bo. I am proud to say I lost another 1/2 pound and I'm only 4.5 pounds from my goal weight. I'm actually in the healthy body fat range for my height finally! Yahoo! My clothes are all fitting rather loose now. That feels amazing. I have worked really hard to get to this point.
I read this in one of my meditation books "Doubt is an unavoidable companion of spiritual seeking. I don't have an instruction book so I must continue to explore and challenge my perceptions".
It always amazes me how my perception can be so opposite to other people's perceptions of any given situation. One of my writing exercises was to write about someone that has had a great influence in my life. I started writing about my mentor Kimbra and how she has helped me in some of the worst times of my life. She always sees things very different than I do. I trust her judgement much more than my own. I have bounced really important life choices off her before making a choice.
My goal is to find that within myself. I know my thinking is muddled with a lot of external things. I am searching for that spiritual calm in myself that guides me in the right direction. I know I have the strength I need. I just have to continue believing in me.
When I am thrown off course I can jump right back on and not spend too much time beating myself up for believing a lie or trusting people that don't deserve my trust. I do know I'm a caring and compassionate person who only wants to see the best in the people I love. I also know I can set really high standards for those in my life. I need to back off.
So I am continuing to build a life for myself today. I will get some more writing done later. I will get out and to the store to buy some more healthy delicious fruit for us and cat food for the babies. I will make a list of the things I want to accomplish this week and then feel proud when I start crossing off the things on my list one by one. It is a new week and a beautiful one. I am making the most of it.