Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Busy Mornings

I will have three busy mornings in a row. Woo Hoo! I think maybe part of my sadness lately is not having anything to look forward to in the immediate future. I am working on that.

I will be back in school in less than 6 months so I do have that to look forward to. I have to meet with an advisor really soon. I just need to set up the appointment.

Not much to write about really. It's March. The last time I saw my Dad was in March of last year and I think that's affecting me. I seem to be out of touch with my feelings again. I have been eating unhealthy again and though I haven't gained any weight, my emotional fitness seems to be suffering. I am close to tears a lot more than usual. I miss my Dad.

I also miss my kids and my sister. I don't know when these death anniversaries get any better. I am also really tired of having to handle them on my own. I can't turn to the person I love the most in this world because she is not available to me at all right now. There is all this distance and it is very hurtful and frustrating. When I try to talk about it I get told "It's all in my head". Which doesn't help me with the sanity factor.

I am working on step two. Came to Believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to Sanity. So I've been looking at the insanity in my life. Yes, there are a lot of insane things about it. My own actions have been insane many many times. I know I can't take care of all of this alone. I just don't have the faith I used to in a Higher Power. I just seem to have lost it. I can give it lip service but in my heart it just isn't there.

I am also struggling with my workouts. I do them but it is taking longer and longer to be motivated to do them. I think it's because of all the emotional turmoil I am in.

OK, I need to get moving this morning. I have a lot to do. Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday..


Xanadu said...

Physical health and emotional health go hand in hand. You're probably feeling less motivated to exercise because of what's going on in your head/heart. I'm sorry things are not going as well as you'd like. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but death anniversaries don't get easier. Ever. I still struggle with the deaths of the members of my family, even though it has been 15 years for my mom, 13 years for my brother, and 3 years for my dad. I still miss them terribly, and have no other family members to provide a shoulder to cry on. In-laws, yes, but that's not the same, so I can kind of relate to what you're going through.

Thinking about ya. HUGS!

Country-Girl said...

I wish I knew just what to say. :-( Big huge hugs sweetie!

Anonymous said...

Being an orphan even at our age sucks GE...

Being away from our children even tho they are all adults now suck, too.

I hope you get to see your sister and kids soon. It's always a lift.

That is good news about school... get with that advisor and live that dream, girl!!

Warm hugs and oodles of love ~S~

Dorrie said...

I'm glad you are doing things. Keep it up!

and thanks for the comments in journal... I really appreciated them. {hugs}

becomingkate said...

Now is the time to get busy AWAY from the house. And take things one day at a time. *hugs*

girly said...

I agree with Kate.

Judy said...

(Big warm friend hugs) to you sweetie.
I know I have been teary eyed and more pain than usual too. hey! Bring on summer!

I think it's something to do with the winter season, no matter which state we live in, that we are in more physical pain and more emotional pain.

Pastor Larry said...

I was happy to see your comment on my journal. :-)

theredhead said...

My best friend's bf is also struggling w/unemployment inertia. I am glad that you are starting school soon. {{{hugs}}}

Doug said...

School. Yay! Get thee to an advisor :-)

I don't know what to say about death anniversaries. I let go of my mom and dad and think about them now and then, but I don't even try to remember the days they died.


A Magpie's Nest of Treasures said...

I'm just happy you are doing so well. Anniversaries are difficult, but do get easier over time. {{hugs}}~ G