Monday, June 25, 2012


I miss blogging. I miss the personal touches of the entries and the way that I could express myself and not be afraid of what I was saying. I miss the times when I felt like the internet was a safe haven and nobody could find me because I wasn't my name, I was just greeneyes. I miss those days. The innocence of blogging is gone for me. I feel censored. I feel watched and sometimes stalked. I feel monitored. I feel like I can't be open because it will all come out and my heart will bleed all over the pages and even though I'm happy I do have moments of insanity and sadness and I can't express them with words anymore because they aren't just mine. I have committed to this life and this love and I have been more open than I ever have with my partner but I am still feeling this need to have something that is just mine. That I don't have to share with her, that I can have that trust back that I betrayed with my reckless actions. I don't know that it will ever be that way again. Sometimes I feel like a failure, sometimes I wonder why I am even here. It is a frustrating and relentless worry and fear and it is not with me all of the time but it creeps in and takes over and then it is LOUD! I suppose I will just take it one day at a time and pray that it passes so the light can overtake me once again and the darkness can fade instead of being expressed.


Dorrie said...

I miss blogging, too. A lot has happened in the past weeks, but I just haven't found that blogging feeling again.... maybe soon.

I have been trying to keep up with you but do I need to read between the lines? Express yourself.... you know that it helps!

Moanerplicity said...

Blogging is cool & a very interesting way of self-expression. However, it isn't the only way to express, or to exhale. You can go retro. Try getting into art... painting, drawing, sculpting, something that allows you to get out all the inner voices, yet in a more/ personal private way.

Best of all, you don't have to be GREAT or even good at it. You simply have to DO it!



p.s. It's nice to be able to read you & to leave a comment again. For a while, I was not even allowed entry to your page. Odd that.

greeneyes67 said...

It's good to have some comments to read :) I've missed you both. No between the lines Dorrie, just trying to find some self expression. I am feeling like I need an outlet, I am glad to be writing. I would love to read you again too.