Friday, April 27, 2012

Thinking

When I am alone in the car, I can allow my obsessions to take me to other places. Music can transport me to another world and sometimes I feel like I want to stay there forever, or at least long enough to get something written. A few chapters, a few lines, the beginning of an outline of sorts. I have so many stories in my mind and I know that I was meant to be a writer. I don't know why I am so hesitant to bring that dream to life. Maybe I am afraid that I will be taken over by some sort of demon writer and never come back again. Maybe I am not wanting to let go of the secret thoughts that are hidden so deep inside. I do have a dark passenger, one that is wanting to be free. I sometimes feel that I need to feed this side of me or die. I dream of blood and violence and places unknown, but somewhere in my mind they are familiar. I have tapped into something here and I'm ready to let it go. I want to commit, I am afraid to commit, I know this is what I need like I need blood coursing through my veins. I see the blood and I see the person I have become dying. I want to be real. I don't want this feeling to end. This dreamlike state of mind that is who I really am. This person that I always try to shove down further and tell to keep still. I am me.

1 comment:

Eve said...

Wow! Did this ever resonate with me! I also know, deep down, that I need to be a writer, and I'm not sure why I keep pushing my 'dark passenger' down..I know what you mean about music transporting you to another world...there is nothing like putting on some great tunes and allowing the spirit of the music to push the pen...(or the keyboard!)
I hope you keep up your writing...and please know that your words have inspired me.