I had a talk with my daughter tonight. I love how our relationship has evolved. I have changed with her but part of me will always want to take care of her and protect her. She is going through some changes and it’s a hard time for her so the Mom in me wants to bring her home and protect her from hurting, make it all better somehow. I would love to let her be a little girl again and not worry so much about so many things. I would love to bring her here and just take care of her and feel needed again by my daughter. I miss that about having my kids’ home.
Today there were military helicopters at the airport and I stood out in the cold air watching them as they lined up symmetrically and then took off into the sky. It was gorgeous watching them lift off and move, with the desert landscape in the background. Something about the scene made me feel happy to be living here in Havasu. I vacillate between love and hate of this place but I don’t hate the life I have here with Trina.
I took pictures of the helicopters with my phone and sent one in a text to my son; he always loved helicopters and airplanes as a little boy. I would take him to the airport and he would sit, enthralled with the airplanes as they took off and landed. He marveled at how large they were and we would have discussions about it while sitting on the hood of the car. I miss him too. He is married now and we are finally talking and texting each other.
I can’t wait to see the kids when we go down in March. It will be fun to have a loud family dinner filled with laughter and stories. I really get nostalgic and miss those days when we had family nights, playing monopoly or watching movies together. I remember when they started to grow up and those days started to slip away. It was sad then but the sadness I feel now is also tinged with pride in them and the lives they have created for themselves. I am proud that they are independent and don’t need me as much. I am proud to have raised them to think for themselves and to stand on their own two feet.
My babies, my grown children, they make me whole.