When the month of November creeps up on me, the grief finds a way into my dreams. I have so much to be grateful for and so many things are good in this month but I have this nagging sadness on my shoulder that threatens to drag me under. I miss my Mom. I was looking at pictures, mostly of the trips and parties that my Mom threw for the kids and I realized how lucky they were to have her in their lives. They had so much that I never had. I never got to experience that kind of grandparent love and adoration.
My Mom adored me though, and I miss that. She knew so much about me and I never even had to explain myself to her.
I can't give into the sadness so I keep moving forward. I am still working a lot and finishing up my last semester. I can't wait to graduate and move on. I will definitely be getting some writing done once school is finished. I have many unfinished projects that need my winter attention. I think that I am a winter writer. I get so inspired when the moodiness hits me. The winter seems to do that to me.
I saw some friends that haven't seen me since last May and they told me I look amazing compared to how I looked last winter. It's good to know that the choices I have made agree with me and that I look as good as I feel. I am tired and fighting a mild depressed state but I do feel great physically, strong and healthy.