Friday, June 3, 2011

Ramble

I haven’t done bad today on my eating and I intend on continuing with this. I am taking it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I worked out 4 days this week and feel great about that.

I am missing my daughter something fierce right now and when I think about it too much I get really depressed. I remember her senior year and how much we did together, how much I wanted for it to be perfect for her. I never had enough money but I always managed to give her what she needed. We got senior pictures and she did all the fun senior things and I still felt like I fell short. I loved and still love her so much. I don’t understand why she is choosing to turn her back on me when it hurts me so much. I would never judge her the way that she is judging me.

I wish I was starting my new job tomorrow. I think he will call this week though. I’m so ready. I will be working on Craigs list stuff tonight and tomorrow T. is off so we will be spending the day together <3 I’m excited about that. We may be going to the movies or may be just staying home. We have to get the pool in shape, it’s almost time for swimming. We are such wimps, the pool has to really warm up before we’ll get in it. I’m feeling happy and ready for the summer.

Life is beautiful, I love my life and it couldn’t be any better right now. Last night the meeting was on the first step. I am powerless over so many things in my life but the one thing I do have control over is my reactions to things and I choose to be happy. Right now and in this moment I am happy. Things are damn near perfect except for what’s happening with my daughter. I can’t change her feelings but I can choose to not get completely discouraged. I’m working on a letter for her. I just haven’t got it quite right yet. I want it to be perfect.

3 comments:

maggsworld said...

Having 5 daughters, I always have one that treats me like I am the devil's first cousin. It is her journey my dear friend and truly no reflection on you. One of my daughters reminded me that as mother's we too are human and have to appear to be. We do not have to be perfect. You are living your life to the best of your heart and soul and did the best you could with your children. Let it go. Let her learn the lesson and trust that one day she will wander closer again. ( I have felt and know that pain. I so understand )

Dani said...

Hearing you say that you love your life is just awesome.

Give the kid some time. It doesn't make sense. People never do.

My Mom dissed me for 4 years when I dated Tim. Do you remember that? Effed me up all sorts of ways. *sighs*

Sit down and write her a letter. Get it all out. Let her know that your love is bigger then the universe and will never go away. Email it to her.

She'll come back.

becomingkate said...

I hope she comes around! Sending lots of *hugs*!!