My mind has never stopped being obsessive. I can try and do other things to stay occupied and yet when I get a free moment, the obsession comes back. I try and pretend it's not there but it's there. I try and move through it and under and around it but the obsession has a life of its own. When did I start confusing love and obsession? When did I start thinking that what I am feeling is true love when it it is really a thick and juicy obsession that will not stop knocking on my door?
I am awake and have been working on dumping some of these thoughts from my mind. I write at 750 words to clear my head and yet the thoughts still haunt me. I drink my coffee and contemplate all the many things I have to do and yet I have a feeling it will be another morning of distracting my mind to distance myself from these racing thoughts. I wonder if I need something to help my mind stop racing. I wonder if I need something to calm me down.
Our passion is addictive. I think of nothing else but the way she undresses me and looks at my body with such admiration, and tells me it is perfection. I remember the passion I brought out in her and it makes me tingle. I remember and remember and want to stay there so the other thoughts don't crowd and push their way to the front of my consciousness but there they are. Again. And it is driving me mad.
I want to run and keep running until my legs feel like jello and the only thing in my mind is the pain of my muscles and the breathing I am trying to do. I want to cover myself, head to toe in cocoa butter and lay out by the pool and let the sun fill me with his power and his warmth and take these obsessions far from me so that they disappear into the suns rays and float off into the horizon, never to be seen again. (perhaps I will try with the sun and run).