Sunday, March 1, 2009

Adventures in Writing

I have challenged myself to do something productive each day. Today this involved studying and writing. I also did the laundry which although mundane is something I enjoy. It comforts me somehow.

But the writing and studying I chose to do was extremely fulfilling. I looked up the word powerless in the dictionary and unmanageable. Then I went through the many books on recovery that I have and read about the first step. I am in a 12 step program of recovery and the first step says "Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable."

I am not an alcoholic but I live with one. So I apply this step to my relationship with my partner. I am powerless over what others do. I am powerless over what they think, feel, how they act, what they choose to do with their lives. I am powerless. I can't make decisions for them and I can't make them stop using drugs or alcohol as a crutch.

Sometimes it's like watching a train coming for someone and not being able to push them out of the way even though you know it's going to kill them. But at least if that happens, I know I didn't cause it. (Kind of an extreme example but true for me). No amount of lecturing, crying, screaming, threatening, is going to change someone elses choices. They are people and they have the right to make their own choices.

My life becomes unmanageable when I become obsessed with all of the above.

So I wrote for a little while after reading so many good things and then I stopped working on that exercise. It was kind of depressing for me.

I am reading a book about discovering the writer inside yourself and there were two writing exercises that I did. One was to time yourself and write for 10 minutes on "When I write I...." the other was writing for 5 minutes a letter to the critic inside you.

It was so inspiring to me!! I had no problem with it. I loved it! I had no problem coming up with things to write about up until that timer went off. I believe in myself and my abilities. I know I can write and that's what I have always wanted to do. I just have to DO IT! Made me feel really good by golly :)

So, I just had to write about it here for a minute.

One of my Alanon friends came over and dropped off the key to the clubhouse today. I will be unlocking the door to our beloved meeting on Wednesday. This makes me feel good that I am trusted with the responsibility. I know it may not sound like much but it gives me a sense of pride. And it was good to see my friend today.

Nothing has changed here on the homefront but something did change in me today. I found I was able to continue about my day and even accomplish something great FOR ME! And I am filled with serenity this evening. I am grateful. So grateful.

I am looking forward the this evening with my shows on TV. It is the ending of The Girls Next Door and almost the ending of The L Word. Only one more episode of the L Word after tonight. I have my chocolate and my kleenex ready for the last episode of the Girls Next Door. It's on tonight at 8. So sad for me. I know, I have no life but I love my shows!!!

I will also be trolling the internet a little bit. I wasn't on the computer at all today. So cool. I did my Tae Bo and dinner is cooking in the crockpot. I hope you all had a beautiful Sunday. It was 80 degrees here again today and beautiful with no wind.

So, I'm rambling now and it's time to hush. I will check in with you all soon.. Love and Blessings to all of you.

13 comments:

Doug said...

It's good to be able to write to yourself and then read what you wrote. Then you know you weren't imagining it, everything you thought was true IS :-)

Have a great evening, GE!

greeneyes67 said...

I really enjoyed the writing exercises. It was a wonderful change of pace. You have a good evening too Doug!

Soiled Dove said...

As you know, it's damned hard to even think you are powerless, let alone, admit it and accept it. Especially when we are strong women. And being mothers, instinctively, we are nurturers and fixers. GE, just know you do not walk alone in this.

Writing, I was just talking with someone about it. I've not written for me in so long. Good for you and I hope it continues. It's great!

greeneyes67 said...

You are so right. It is extremely hard to admit I am powerless. I HATE it!! I used to find freedom in that but not right now. I have to believe it though. Somehow.. If I want peace.

The writing thing, it's all GOOD! I hope you start doing it too. It really feels amazing..

MissaLissa74 said...

I love crockpot Cooking. Tomorrow i am making beef stroganoff.

greeneyes67 said...

I adore my crockpot. It's my bestest friend... lol

Xanadu said...

The timed writing exercises you did sound like something I could/should do myself. I'll met you know if I do. Can you please drop me an E Mail at fantabulousdi@yahoo.com? Thanks! Hugs.

Pamela said...

Hey, Pretty. Keep writing and doing things for yourself. The rest will follow.

Also...feel free to come over and tackle my laundry any time. Hahaha! :))

*HUGS*

greeneyes67 said...

Thanks honey... I would totally come do your laundry if you were closer. I like it. I'm weird.

Fake-brunette lives said...

we are powerless over other peoples choices and learning that we don't cause some of the things that happen to us is a big challenge
big hug

Fijufic said...

Perhaps the world is spinning out of your control but you control your own actions.

I admire this about you. I also admire the fact that you confess some of your doubts and fears.

I also know you have strength to make it through most any adverse situation.

Life is not easy.

Love,
Bobby

Lunamor said...

I think a lot of us would be happier/more content if we'd remember we can't control other people's actions. It's so hard not to want to, though!

Willow Tears said...

writing is a great therapy... keep at it!

Remember, you are your own best friend!