This morning, after I woke up I went outside for a moment so the dog could do her business and looked out at the lake. The moon was still shining proudly over the mountains as the sun came up in the other direction. I've never experienced this before.
There are still many clouds in the sky but they are fading. It's cold and windy today. Cold to us is not cold to many others but it's still cold. It's below 50 degrees. I pulled my robe tighter around me and smiled at the moon. So beautiful, so powerful and so full..
I couldn't help but think of the moon and how much I love to feel the power of the moon. So dependable, always rising and changing without my having to do anything. It just is. There have not been many things or people in my life that have been as dependable.
I always prided myself on being dependable at work. I was at my last position for 8 years and only called in sick twice. I was always there. If my staff called in I was there to replace them. If anyone needed anything I was there. It is just my nature to be this way.
Creature of habit. That would be me. I like things to stay the same and I don't like surprises. I like to have a plan and for everything else to follow that plan. Life just isn't that way. In my love relationships I seem to choose people that go with the flow, that are more spontaneous than I am.
This is the first time in my adult life I don't have a plan. Oh, I have a tentative plan in the background, I am going back to school in August but as for the months in between there is nothing. I do have Alanon. I took the treasurer position for my Wednesday meeting so I have to be there every Wednesday morning without fail. I have been exercising 6 days a week and I force myself to do it. I am entering every calorie I eat into my nutrition journal and I do that faithfully. That's my big agenda for my life right now.
But what of everything in between? I just kind of let my days happen to me. I miss having a plan. I know we have things we have to get done but I haven't been taking many action steps to make them happen.
I was thinking of making a list each night of the things I want to accomplish the next day. That could work. If I could think of things to put on the list. Small goals to get done each day.
I am a little bit stuck in a rut. I am committed to taking charge of my destiny today and not just letting life happen to me. I am off to make that list now..